Tuesday, November 16, 2010

all the way back.

H—H---Hello? Is anybody still there?

No, I did not die! I am still a living, breathing, person, But it’s been about 3 months, so I guess a lot has happened!

  • I turned 30
  • Shaun and I moved into a beautiful townhouse that I am totally in love with
  • Work has had a lot of ups and downs
  • And, oh yeah, I gained 15 lbs.

Yes, I am not proud of that last fact, but it is what it is. I had made it my goal to ‘maintain’ over the summer, and I actually didn’t do too badly with that. I was up a few pounds by September, but nothing unmanageable or even that worrisome. But then September happens to have in it: Shaun’s birthday, our anniversary, and my birthday (which this year happened to be the big 3-0.) So there was a lot of eating out. And then we were packing and moving and unpacking so there was a lot of eating out. And then I discovered my big beautiful kitchen was an excellent place to bake and so bake I did, and eat the outcomes.

If those sound like a bunch of excuses, it’s because they are.

I saw the scale creeping up. I did. I’ve lost count of the number of times I said to Shaun, “That’s it, I’m back on the wagon! No more!” and each time I would be ‘good’ for a few days and then I would bake a pumpkin cream cheese loaf and it would be all over.

I thought about blogging a bunch of times, but I didn’t want to be that blogger who comes back and is all “I’m back!” only to disappear again. I wanted to be sure.

Total surety is impossible, of course, but this time I feel pretty confident. Why? BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE ASS. All through September, I saw the scale creep up, yes, and that worried me, yes, but I never FELT it, if you know what I mean. I still felt good, spry, happy, balanced. But that’s been slowly changing and then last week I ate a lot more crap than usual and this weekend I finally felt it all: the effects of eating poorly. The way I used to ALWAYS feel. And let me tell you, it scared the crap out of me. I realized what a short journey it was, back to where I used to be. And I will not, as they say, go gentle into that good night.

So for the past couple of days, I’ve been trying to get back to my old healthy habits (which is proving a little more difficult since I’m in a new house and my schedule is a bit different – the old routines I used to rely on to get me out of a funk no longer work, or at least are requiring some rejigging.) But it’s been nice to drink water, to eat sweet potatoes, to make my lunch. It does feel steadying, somehow, and I feel happier, already.

My next step will be to drag myself back to yoga, but I’m focusing on one step at a time for now.

Anyway, that’s enough rambling for one post. Basically what I wanted to say is: hello, and yes, I’m back.