Wednesday, February 18, 2009

don't worry, i'm over it.

I’m really sorry about yesterday’s whiny, pathetic entry! I’m over my pity-party and am back to normal.

I did a lot of thinking about it, and here’s something I realized: I’m dealing with a lot of stuff in my life right now, including but not limited to:

- moving in with my boyfriend which is exciting but also I’m getting rid of my apartment and most of my furniture and what if we break up I’ll be totally screwed, etc. Plus, you know, the actual pain of moving itself.

- working a contract job that is set to end in March, with nothing else on the horizon

- and THE BIGGIE: I found out three weeks ago that my parents are getting divorced. After 34 years of marriage. My mom just walked out on my dad with no warning and now I talk to him almost every day and all he does is cry and it’s killing me.

So yeah. What I mean is I have a lot of stressors in my life right now. And yet I’ve stayed totally, 100% on plan. And that, my blogging friends, is awesome. And I’m not going to sweat what other people do and I’m certainly not going to be jealous. I mean, hello.

But I did realize that I needed to relax a little. Just a little. So last night I went to my old apartment to do some cleaning, and I was getting take-out for dinner and I decided to just let myself order whatever I wanted off the menu, without worrying. This isn’t really as crazy as it sounds – the restaurant I was eating from was FRESH, which is all organic, vegetarian/vegan ‘fresh’ foods. So even the worst choices were still pretty good, but it felt nice to just pick whatever I wanted and not worry about working out the points. So I got a veggie burger on a whole wheat roll, with sweet potato fries and miso gravy. It was delicious, and I didn't even need to eat the whole thing.

I realized my frustration wasn’t really about wanting to eat ‘bad foods’ or go all crazy -- it was just about being a bit sick of avoiding foods I liked and wanted just because I couldn’t easily figure out the points for them. So I have no idea how many points I ate but I know that my week has otherwise been okay and I know this meal isn’t going to make or break my weightloss efforts. And I feel way less strung out about the whole thing now, so I think it was a good idea. It's not going to become a habit or anything, but I think it's okay to do once in awhile.

Of course, we will see how weigh-in goes tomorrow! ;)