Monday, January 11, 2010

fight like hell.

Did you ever make a decision that you were only kinda sure about, but then as it actually came to be, you had the sudden and total confidence that you’d done the right thing?

That’s how I felt tonight at Boot Camp. I’d rejoined on the spur of the moment, but all weekend I’d wondered if it was the right decision, if maybe I’d be better off with a different approach, etc. But tonight in class, squeezing my butt cheeks like a champ, I was totally overcome with the realization of how strong I’ve become. And that, my friends, is priceless.

I’m actually not sure if I’ve ever felt more determined than I do today. Determined that I’m going to reach my goal. Determined that I’m going to make this make my life. Determined that I am someone who won’t be stopped.

Because you know what? I am going to fight like hell to get what I want. And you should too.

I know a lot of people are just starting out (with new year’s and all), and a lot of you, unfortunately, will stall, quit, or just disappear. And I know why – because there’s a lot of sacrifice in the beginning, and little to no reward. It takes a while to get into new clothing sizes. It takes a while for your friends and coworkers to start noticing and commenting. It takes a while for your body to start surprising you with all the amazing things it can do.

But all I can tell you, people, is FIGHT LIKE HELL. Because those things will eventually happen and they are so worth it. Fight against every donut in your break room. Fight against that pizza your spouse so ‘kindly’ ordered. Fight against the smell of fast food as you walk down the street. Fight against the lazy voice inside you who doesn’t want you to go to the gym – you don’t know it yet, but that voice isn’t even you. It’s just a bad habit, and you can take him down, I swear it.

I’m learning that my weight was a prison – one I didn’t even realize I was in until I started to break free. I thought fatigue and stiffness were in my bones, I thought shame and shyness and insecurity were something that tortured everyone, all the time, I thought it was ok to get worn out just rolling over in bed, I thought you were SUPPOSED to have aching feet after running a few errands. And now I see where I am now, compared to where I’ve been and I just want to cry. And I want to fight harder.

I keep thinking about that Dylan Thomas poem, “Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night”. It’s a poem he wrote for his father, who was dying, about how he should fight a bit longer. It’s really resonating with me tonight. If I were clever like Jack Sh*t, I could even rewrite it to apply to weight loss – though to be honest, I don’t think this message even needs jokes or puns.

DO NOT GO GENTLE into that prison of weight. Rage, rage against your temptations, your fears, your saboteurs and your trigger foods. Rage against the voice inside that wants to keep you fat. This is your fucking life – YOURS. Fight like hell for it.