Now I KNOW that you all have been waiting with baited breath to find out how my trip to Lulu Lemon went. Would I fit into a size 12? Would I dare to spend $100 on a pair of yoga pants? Surely your enquiring minds are just dying to know!
Well, I’ll let the pictures say it all:
Looking at these pictures makes me feel a bit crazy, and I realize I have a totally distorted view of how I look now. In my head, I’m so much bigger than this. Actually, I still feel weird going into ‘normal’ sized clothing stores, (and I still buy most of my clothes from Old Navy because it’s ‘safe’.)
A true thing about me: When I was heavier, I would often still find myself in ‘normal sized’ clothing stores, like The Gap, or Banana Republic or whatever. I’d go with a friend, or to buy a gift, or occasionally in search of an accessory, and I always felt so out of place. Like, so totally awkwardly uncomfortably out of place. To the point that I thought someone was going to call me on it. Sales people or other patrons, I was sure SOMEONE would come up to me and say “Excuse me, what are you doing here? Don’t you know nothing here will fit you?”
So what I started to do is I started to pretend that I worked for a consumer magazine and that I was secretly auditing the store and its merchandise. I mean, I didn’t tell anyone this, but I told it to myself, and I would walk slowly around the store, looking into corners, and behind mirrors to check for ‘cleanliness’ and I would closely inspect clothes and look at the hems and buttons to check for ‘quality’.
Somehow this totally schizo behaviour made me feel legit, like it allowed me to be in the store because I had a purpose other than shopping.
Sad right?
And the funny thing is I still do that. Even though no one looks at me twice when I walk into Lulu Lemon or Banana Republic. (And, in reality, probably no one ever did, even when I was heavier.)
I guess what I’m saying is I think it will take a while, for my brain to catch up with my body.
*****
In unrelated but totally exciting news, tonight I had my very first surprise run-in with a reader of my blog! After boot camp, a girl came up to me and said, “Are you Andrea? I read your blog!”
That is the first time this has ever happened to me! (Though I’ve fantasized about it many times of course, ha ha.) Katie and I had a nice chat on the way to the subway (I found out she attends the same WW meetings as Kate! Small world.) Anyway, super fun. Hi Katie!
Ok, that’s it for me, folks. I am plum tuckered out! G’night!
