On Thursday morning, something happened.
I fainted on the subway.
I wanted to write that in a way that sounded better, like something different than it was, but there you are: I fainted on the subway.
On Wednesday night, I had gone to a bar with some colleagues, had a few beers. I had not eaten dinner. On Thursday morning I got up and did not eat breakfast. I was a bit hungover, a bit dehydrated, very hungry. The subway was very crowded, very hot.
Around Chester station I noticed myself feeling very dizzy. I thought about getting off the train, but there were so many people I didn’t think I’d be able to squeeze my way to the doors before they closed. I stayed where I was, but the dizziness got worse. Given that I just hate inconveniencing anyone, I didn’t want to ask someone if I could have their seat. I remember grabbing onto the poll with both hands, and just telling myself to ‘hold on, ride it out.’
Then everything went black.
I woke up on the floor, the train stopped and everyone crowded around me. “Are you okay?” everyone kept saying. “Don’t get up.” “We pulled the passenger assistance alarm, the driver is coming.”
I kept apologizing. “I’m so sorry,” I said, “I’m sorry everyone. I’m fine, really, I just got a bit overheated.”
Finally the driver came, and everyone helped me into a seat. I declined ‘medical assistance’. A woman fanned me with her newspaper. The train started moving again.
By the time we got to Bay station, I felt fine. I got off the train and went to Tim Horton’s and inhaled a muffin (I figured the sugar would be helpful?). I went to work, like it was just any other day, like nothing had happened.
But something happened. I fainted on the subway. I fainted because I am not taking good care of myself. I can’t help but think that this would not have happened last summer -- when I was eating well and working out and living a generally healthy lifestyle. It happened because I am eating like shit these day, drinking, being a sloth, and just generally living the lifestyle I used to live, the one I fought so hard to get away from. And my body can’t take it this time around. It has known the good life, and it wants to go back.
I want to go back.
But I will be honest with you, it feels just as hard to get started this time as it did last time. I never knew what really clicked for me last time, and I don’t know how to click it back into place. I feel like fainting was a wake-up call, but for how long? How long before I drift back into my sloth-like slumber?
I fainted on the subway.
I wanted to write that in a way that sounded better, like something different than it was, but there you are: I fainted on the subway.
On Wednesday night, I had gone to a bar with some colleagues, had a few beers. I had not eaten dinner. On Thursday morning I got up and did not eat breakfast. I was a bit hungover, a bit dehydrated, very hungry. The subway was very crowded, very hot.
Around Chester station I noticed myself feeling very dizzy. I thought about getting off the train, but there were so many people I didn’t think I’d be able to squeeze my way to the doors before they closed. I stayed where I was, but the dizziness got worse. Given that I just hate inconveniencing anyone, I didn’t want to ask someone if I could have their seat. I remember grabbing onto the poll with both hands, and just telling myself to ‘hold on, ride it out.’
Then everything went black.
I woke up on the floor, the train stopped and everyone crowded around me. “Are you okay?” everyone kept saying. “Don’t get up.” “We pulled the passenger assistance alarm, the driver is coming.”
I kept apologizing. “I’m so sorry,” I said, “I’m sorry everyone. I’m fine, really, I just got a bit overheated.”
Finally the driver came, and everyone helped me into a seat. I declined ‘medical assistance’. A woman fanned me with her newspaper. The train started moving again.
By the time we got to Bay station, I felt fine. I got off the train and went to Tim Horton’s and inhaled a muffin (I figured the sugar would be helpful?). I went to work, like it was just any other day, like nothing had happened.
But something happened. I fainted on the subway. I fainted because I am not taking good care of myself. I can’t help but think that this would not have happened last summer -- when I was eating well and working out and living a generally healthy lifestyle. It happened because I am eating like shit these day, drinking, being a sloth, and just generally living the lifestyle I used to live, the one I fought so hard to get away from. And my body can’t take it this time around. It has known the good life, and it wants to go back.
I want to go back.
But I will be honest with you, it feels just as hard to get started this time as it did last time. I never knew what really clicked for me last time, and I don’t know how to click it back into place. I feel like fainting was a wake-up call, but for how long? How long before I drift back into my sloth-like slumber?
