Wednesday, August 3, 2011

a life in questions.

In the past three months, a lot has happened. Shaun and I got engaged. We got a dog. And we bought a house. It has been wild and amazing and insane and overwhelming. I feel so happy, most of the time. I have everything I ever wanted. 

But … that’s part of the problem. I have everything I ever wanted. So now what?

This past month or so has been stressful, in a way that I wasn’t at all prepared for. PLEASE don’t think I’m being unappreciative, because I absolutely am not: I love Shaun and our home and I love getting to know Riley and snuggling his sweet face. Everything I have makes me so happy I feel like pinching myself. 

But I am person who always seems to be working towards something. And now I feel like I don’t have a something anymore. 

Shaun and I are pretty sure we don’t want kids, so that’s not coming up. And we don’t want a big wedding, so I don’t even have wedding plans to throw myself into. 

Instead, the big questions have been coming up.

1. What now?
2. What do I want to do with my life?
3. What is my purpose?
4. Do I even have a purpose?
5. What’s my next big goal?

I don’t have answers, and to be honest, I feel more than a little lost. Those are big questions, and I feel like I’m drifting around in this big empty cavern of what could be my life. How do I put up the walls, the floor, the roof, when I don’t know what I want the house to look like?

I have ideas. I’ve always wanted to write a novel. I’ve always wanted to start my own business. I could get back to weight loss, set myself a big fitness goal or learn a new skill. There are options. I just don’t know where to start.

Anyone else ever find themselves in this position? What did you do?