a question of getting back on track.

I got asked a couple of questions in the comments yesterday that I thought I'd answer in a separate post. Sorry it got so long!

Mizfit asked how my pedicure lasted so long. Hahaha, I have no idea! I'm totally new to the world of pedicures. I did go to a place that was kind of expensive (the pedicure was $50) so maybe there's actual value in going to the better places instead of the bargain places? Other than that, I have no idea. I plan to go to the same place again this time, so I'll ask them if they have a secret ingredient they use.

Now. Sam Made asked if, in the time I've lost this weight, I've ever fallen off the program, and if so, how I got myself back on track.

The truth is, I haven't ever really 'fallen' off the program, but there were two times when I consciously decided I was going to go off for a short period. One was the week we were in Vegas, and the other was my birthday weekend.

One thing I will say is that I find it infinitely harder to get back on track than it is to simply stay on track. That's what I tell myself every time I'm tempted to go off the program, and I think it's what’s kept me in line this past year. So when I'm tempted to, say, get take-out, I remind myself that it's not JUST this one meal and this one lump of calories. It's about the fact that I'm weakening my resistance muscle, it's about the fact that I'm priming my tastebuds for greasy, salty and fatty foods, it's about the fact that I'm going to feel bloated and lazy for the rest of the day, etc. Which is not to say that I NEVER get take-out, because I totally do, but I do it with that awareness, and I try not to let it get to be too regular of an occurrence.

Okay, so all that said, what if you just do find yourself off track? I admit that after my birthday, I really struggled to come back to the program. I had planned to be right back on track on the Sunday following my birthday, but in reality, I spent the whole next week just sort of hovering somewhere on the wrong side of that track. I worried. I worried a LOT, to be honest. I kept thinking, "What if this just keeps spiralling? Why can't I just say NO to these foods???"

So I took a deep breath and reminded myself that it wasn't ME. It was just my physiology. If that makes sense. That I really had weakened my resistance muscle. That I really had primed my tastebuds. That I was really only suffering the natural reaction to spending four days eating nothing but cupcakes, champagne cocktails, and greasy Chinese food. I'm not sure why but I always find blaming it on my body to be an easier way of dealing with things. Because then it's not a fatal character flaw in my own SELF, it's just a natural physical reaction. And that seems like something I'm more capable of controlling, rather than something that's an integrated part of my personality. You know? I'M not a greedy pig, but my tastebuds want me to be.

Okay! So what did I do to actually come back to the program? Here are a few things I can think of!

1. Keep tracking. This is my numbero uno. I even track when I'm totally off program.

2.Pull out all the stops, food-wise. Prepare all the healthy meals and snacks you love the most. Make being on program FUN again. I know everyone has at least a couple meals where you eat them and think "Seriously, if all healthy food tasted this amazing I would NOT have a weight problem!" And go nuts on all the fruit you want.

3. On the flip side of that, don't buy TOO many fun treats, because even if they're good for you, you may end up eating too many.

4. Drink a LOT of water, coffee/tea, and carbonated (sugar-free) beverages. They'll keep your mouth, hands, and mind occupied, and they'll keep your stomach full.

5. No alcohol during the week. This may not be an issue for some people, but having a couple glasses of wine every night after work is such an easy habit for me to get into, and it really throws me off track, especially because it always seems to lead to extra pita with hummus.

6. Enlist the people you live with to help you. I don't normally tell Shaun what he can and can't bring into the house, but when I'm really struggling, I tell him. And I ask him not to leave cookies lying around and not to open a bottle of wine and not to bring home fast food. Just for that one week, just till I can get myself back on track.

7. “OH WELL”. If there’s any secret I have, it's that phrase. I use it ALL THE TIME. Whenever I don't want to workout, I say, "Oh well!" and I go anyway. Whenever I really want to inhale a bag of chips, I say, "Oh well!" and I walk away. The truth is, we do stuff all the time that we don't particularly want to do (like, oh, get up and go to work every day), but we just look at it as a part of life. I want to have a nice apartment and clothes and food and DVDs, so I go to work, whether I particularly want to that day or not. Sooooo ... I want to lose weight and wear smaller pants and be able to run and do things without keeling over, and so I watch what I eat and I go to the gym, whether I particularly want to that day or not. And railing about how 'unfair' it is that I have to do this all this hard stuff is about as useful and productive as railing about why I wasn’t born rich. Which is to say, not useful at all.

So I guess that's it! I hope some of this will be helpful to someone, or at least will be helpful to ME next time I find myself struggling.

WI results and a much needed long weekend.

I finally made it to my WW meeting today! I hated missing last week’s meeting, and today was touch-and-go for awhile too. (This is the problem with a lunch-time meeting: if work gets too busy, I can’t just up and leave to go to WW. Sadly!) But I did make it and I was down 3.2 lbs!

So technically that’s for two weeks, but in all honesty, I have a feeling I would have been up a half-pound or so last week, if I’d been able to weigh in, so I’m actually really happy with this week’s results.

In other good news, my work project is pretty much wrapped up now, and I was able to use some of the overtime hours I banked to take off Friday and Monday this week. Sooooo excited about a long weekend! I have lots of fun (to me!) stuff planned:

- Get a pedicure (my last one has lasted over five weeks! Amazing! But it’s finally time for a new one.)
- Experiment with my new camera
- Buy a slow cooker and make something delicious! (Any ideas?)
- Catch up on season 5 of Grey’s Anatomy
- Work on a writing project
- Nap

Yes, this is what passes for exciting. If I get REALLY CRAZY I may even take our old-man grocery cart up to Whole Foods and do a little shopping.

I know. I walk on the wild side.

So glad!

So glad it's Friday!

So glad I dragged myself to the gym tonight, even though I totally didn't wanna.

So glad I have a boyfriend to eat the rest of my Weight Watchers brownies which, frankly, were a little too delicious.

So glad for wine.

So glad for work projects that will soon be over!

So glad for coworkers who put up with my neuroses and talk me down from the ledge when I have a *tiny* freakout about having to change some fonts. I seriously love my team.

So glad that I am a small enough size now that I can make an emergency trip to the drugstore on my way to work and find pantyhose that fit, and not require a special trip to The Plus Size Store!

So glad for coming home to a downloaded episode of The Biggest Loser (love the blue team, randomly! I think Dina is my favourite girl so far. She's just so ... normal.)

So glad for Salad Creations!

So glad it's Friday! Wait, I said that one already, right?

still alive, I swear!

Man, I have been a bad blogger lately!

You know, when I bought my new camera, I sort of made myself a promise that I would post a new photo with every post. But then I got soooo busy with work, and I actually haven't even touched my camera since then. So no new photos, which meant ... no new posts? Stupid, right? Blogging is important (and useful! and fun!) to me and so what if I'm not able to post a lot of pictures right now. Right?

So, let's see ... work is still crazy busy, and today I got some not-so-good news about a part of it, which is going to mean a whole lot more work and stress over the next few days. I felt super stressed after I got out of that meeting, but I held it together. I went and got a coffee, talked myself out of buying a peanut butter cookie, and instead just went and sat outside in the sun, and talked myself (silently, in my head) through all the reasons why I am still doing awesome on this project and the setback is not my fault. So yay for new coping mechanisms. Right?

Of course, I then ended up working until about 9pm so I skipped the gym and just picked up (more) Subway for dinner. But that's okay. Right?

Work obligations also made me miss my WW meeting on Tuesday! Sadness! This is only the 3rd meeting I've ever missed, so it was kind of a bummer. But I'm still definitely on track and the scale and I are totally BFFs right now. I feel good knowing I can stay on track even when there are disruptions to my regular routine.

Anyway. Blah blah blah work. In more interesting news, Shaun and I went to see Julie & Julia on the weekend. I loved it! But of course now all I want to do is drink wine and eat foods with butter. I actually looked up the recipe for Julia Child's "Boueff Bourguinon" but dang, that shit's complicated.

health and safety.

Hi guys! Just a quick update to let you know I haven't died or fallen off the wagon or anything. Work has been INSANELY busy lately. I'm working on a huge project and have been going in at 7am most days, then getting home late, and of course, I am pretty much useless after that. I'm also working all weekend. LAME. Actually, even though it's been realllllly stressful, I'm really been enjoying work right now. I get to jet off to video shoots and meet with top people in our organization and network and then come back to the office and do lots of editing (which is my favourite part) and meet with more people to discuss the creative direction of the project and so on! It's been truly fun (though stressful! and busy!).

Food has been so-so, to be honest. Staying within my points of course, but definitely living off bagels from Tim Horton's, sushi from the grocery store, and Subway. A glass of wine or two in the evenings when I'm desperate to unwind. Made it to the gym a few times this week though, despite the exhaustion and long hours.

At my weigh in on Tuesday I was actually up 0.8 lbs, although I'm totally not sweating it. Given that it was my birthday last week, and Shaun's birthday, AND our anniversary ... I'm thinking 0.8 lbs is pretty dang good.

I'll leave you with this hilarious picture of me, taken this week at one the above-mentioned video shoots. We were at a construction site and the insurance regulations stipulated that we all needed full safety gear to be on site. Safety first!

A weird (good) moment was when one of my coworkers was complaining about why his safety vest was so much 'shorter' than mine, and our other colleague finally just said, "Dude, it's not shorter. It's just that she's smaller around than you are so it hangs lower on her."

It blew my mind to realize, yes, I WAS smaller than him. I am finally smaller than average-sized men. I can go to events like this and not worry about gear not fitting me. It might sound stupid but I thought about it all day, and it made me so happy.

pandemonium!

Last night I tried out my second recipe from the Eat, Shrink And Be Merry cookbook: Chicken Pandemonium. It's basically a faux chicken-and-mushroom risotto. It was really, really good. Actually, it may have been a little TOO good.

Yes, I just complained about something being too good. But the dish was supposed to serve four, but I ate about a third of it myself (Shaun ate another third.)  And I seriously could have eaten more, I just forced myself to pack up the third serving and put in the fridge. Wherein I proceeded to daydream about it ALL DAY LONG.

Seriously, I thought about it all day today. I knew there were about 11pts worth left in the fridge, and I technically do not have 11 pts left for the day. So I tried to talk myself into eating half of it, and adding a salad. But I really wanted to just eat the whole thing. So guess what I did? Yep.

I ate the whole thing.

I don't know -- there's something about a particular combination of carbs, fat, and salt (or sugar, such as in baked goods) that triggers all my binging tendencies. It's the same way when there are chips in the house. I turn into a FREAK.

It's weird, it's not like I don't LIKE the food I eat now. I love my wraps, my stir-fries, my omelettes. I refuse to eat stuff I don't like, just for the sake of a 'diet'. But they don't make me go nuts. It's no problem for me to keep leftover stir-fry in the fridge. If I come home from work and I have leftover stir-fry, all I think is "Great! I have left-over stir-fry!" When I came home tonight I was like Cookie Monster. Or Chicken Pandemonium Monster, as the case may be.

one long weekend: in pictures!

Thank you all for your birthday wishes! I ended up having a great day, and I took the next day (Friday) off work, which made it even better.

On Friday we went out to Panorama for drinks with a bunch of friends. It was really nice! I wore a dress. Sadly none of the pictures look that great, but I snapped this one before we left. (Yes, I am wearing feathers in my hair!)

And here's one from the bar, although we had to use the flash which means I look even more ghostly than normal!

 
My boyfriend is so handsome!

 

Speaking of pictures, yesterday I took the plunge and bought ... a DSLR! Yes, I bought myself a Canon Rebel Xsi. (Hilariously, this is the same camera Kath bought today. I'd say we're totally blog twins now, but she is obviously still loads cooler than I am. Ha ha!)

Anyway, Shaun and I have had a great time taking lots of pictures this weekend, mostly of ourselves and the cats. I am super impressed with the quality of the photos!

A few randoms:

 
(Greek yogurt with strawberries: YUM)

 

 
(My beautiful Beezus)

 

 
(Delicious egg and cheese sandwich: the healthy person's hangover breakfast)

 

 
(My camera-shy Zack Morris)

 

So, basically what I'm saying is: prepare yourselves for way more photos to start showing up on here. I doubt I'll start photographing everything I eat (I'm a much too repetitive eater for that) but ... let's just say I hope you guys like cats!

they say it's your birthday.

Actually, they say it's MY birthday.

Actually, *I* say it's MY birthday.

Actually ... it IS my birthday!

 

Yes, in case you didn't guess from that brilliant opening, today is my birthday! I am super excited except for the fact that work is nuts right now and I have to be there at around 7am today! LAME.

 

Man, what can I say about my birthday? This has been a GREAT year for me. Twenty-eight: good times. This was the year I:

 

- Moved in with Shaun! Huge step for us, and one neither of us have ever taken before. So far, so good!

- Got a fabulous new job! Finally, a job that's in my field (writing/new media), that is challenging, interesting, fun, and pays great. Such a relief after the many years I spent at a job that was NOT in my field, only challenging in the bad ways, and paid way less than my current job. I can't even tell you how good it feels to be moving in the right direction, career-wise. Finally!

- Got my weight-loss-shit together and lost 60 lbs! I don't need to say much more about that because, well, I've already written 200 blog posts about it.

 

Lots of smaller good things too, like getting my laptop, starting this blog, having my brother visit me in Toronto for the first time since I moved here (5 years ago!), and getting to meet his first truly serious girlfriend, taking up World of Warcraft (yes, I'm a nerd!), finally learning to knit socks, taking a trip to Vegas(!!!), taking boot camp and getting in decent shape, all my back pain going away, nice holidays with friends, fitting into size 16 jeans, making new friends at work, buying a new couch, etc. etc!

 

Some not so great things happened as well, and I was going to type some of them out, but I just decided right now that I don't want to dwell on them. They are what they are, but they aren't what *I* am, if that makes sense. 

 

So, what's next? Twenty-nine! I hope it's going to be as good a year as the last. I have a few goals in mind -- well, not goals, necessarily, but things I want to focus on this year. I feel like ... hmm, I guess I feel like this is the last year of my 20's, so this is the time to get some stuff in order.

To be honest, I think that's one of the reasons the weight loss thing finally clicked for me this year. I just woke up one day, realized I had basically missed most of my 20s on account of being fat and hating it. I knew that weight was something I just DID NOT want to be dealing with in my 30s. I may have thrown away my 20s, but that was IT. That was all I was willing to waste.

Anyway, tangent aside! Things I want to do in 29:

 

- Take up running! I've been thinking about this all summer, and I decided to make myself wait until now to start. I decided that running would be something I would do after my birthday. That way next year I could say that 29 was the year I started running.

- Get to my weight loss goal! Still not entirely sure what this is, though, so that makes it tricky, but I suppose it probably means losing about another 40 lbs or so. We will see.

- Be a better housekeeper! This is probably my goal every year, but I think it's another one of those things that's finally starting to sink in: I don't want to be 30 and feel like I still live in a college apartment with dirty dishes and cat hair every where!

- Get my finances in order! This is huge and I am surprisingly excited. In fact: guess what I'm 'giving myself' for my birthday? I'm paying off one of my student loans! Yes, I'm SICK of looking at it, so today, on my birthday, as my birthday gift to myself, I'm throwing down $4000 and BURYING THAT SUCKER.

How mature am I, RIGHT? Paying down debt on my birthday! I'm like, a GROWN-UP. Actually, I'm like a really really really BORING grown-up!

 

Of course, I have some fun things I want to do this year too, like: learn to knit cables, go on a relaxing 'resort vacation', see more of my friends, be a better blogger, buy a digital SLR camera and start taking more photos, be more assertive and take more of a leadership role at work, get more pedicures, finally figure out what the frig is happening on Lost, etc.

It's going to be a good year, I think. I'm going to make it a good year.

 

(If you've read this far, thank you! And thank you, as always, for being with me through lots of the stuff that happened last year, and thank you, I hope(!), for sticking with me through the next year.)

WI results and my first ESBM recipe.

Weigh in today and I was very happy (and a little surprised!) to be down 1.2 lbs, bringing my total loss to 60 lbs!! Wowie! I had a busy week with our anniversary (dinner at the Keg), plus Shaun’s birthday (pizza, beer, and ice cream cake), but I also crammed in some time at the gym, and I was cat-sitting for some friends so I biked or walked across town almost every day to check on the kitty. So I guess the week evened out!

Yesterday I tried out my first recipe from the Eat, Shrink and Be Merry cookbook. I made “Life In The Fast Loin”, which is basically just porkchops with an apricot-mustard-balsamic sauce. I was pretty happy with it. To be fair, I think it’s one of the least ‘exciting’ recipes in the book – basically any kind of sweet balsamicy sauce would be good on pork, and I feel like I could have come up with something equally good if I’d just been winging it. That said, it was nice to find a recipe that was soooo simple, and for which I already had all the ingredients on hand. So overall, I'd say it was definitely a success, but I'm looking forward to trying one of the more interesting recipes.

lemme just talk about this a bit more, ok?

You guys! Thank you all sooooo much for your comments and congratulations yesterday. I still can’t believe I made it to “Onederland”!

A couple people asked what I was doing to celebrate – I don’t know! I guess I thought I’d do a bit of clothes shopping, but I seem to be at a super weird place, size-wise, and I’m having a really hard time finding much that fits, especially in pants. I was thinking about maybe getting an iTouch (they’re supposed to be announcing the new line on Sept. 9, the rumour is they’re going to have cameras in them now, which would be pretty sweet.) Except my nano still works fine, and is probably more conveniently-sized for the gym. My other thought is to splurge on a nice bag or pair of shoes. Or maybe get the digital SLR I’ve been coveting, but that seems a little expensive for a reward, though I could ‘combine it’ with my ‘birthday gift’, I suppose!

I don’t know! What would you guys do? What was / is your planned reward for hitting that new ‘weight century’?

Shaun and I went for dinner at the Keg Mansion last night for our anniversary dinner, but we did toast to my milestone as well, so I suppose that was part of my 'celebration'. Sadly the scale was not my friend this morning. Ha ha ha. Oh well – I’ve been doing this long enough not to worry about a little salt. :)

Also, apparently I can no longer drink half a bottle of wine on a work night. Apparently I’m getting old or something! Today I'm drinking water like it's going out of style.

WI results: the AHHHHHHHH edition.

Weigh in today and I was down a pretty awesome 3.4 lbs, for a total loss of 58.8. But the most amazing, astounding, awesome thing is that I weighed in at 198.6!!!!!

ONEDERLAND!!!!!

This is seriously monumental for me! I haven’t weighed below 200 lbs since highschool, and that was, oh, at least 12 years ago. I am totally having a major case of SHOCK AND AWE right now!

Actually, I thought I’d feel really emotional about this, but I just feel PUMPED. I’ve worked really hard for this and everything feels really right. I’m glad I hit this milestone at September 1st, because September always feels more like a new year to me than January ever does. This is MY new year. This is my new year of being someone who weighs less than 200 lbs.

In another nice coincidence, today is also the day I had to start a new 3-Month Journal for tracking, so it felt great to write everything out on a fresh page.

OH YEAH, and at my meeting today this girl who I do not know at all came up to me and said, “hey, I remember you from the Queen streetcar, gosh you are so much tinier now!” Which is soooooo weird! I used to take that streetcar every day to get to work but I haven’t taken it since about November when I started living with Shaun. How random (but nice) is that?

Ok, that's all for now. Wait, no, actually I want to say it one more time:

ONEDERLAND!!!!